I stayed home today instead of going back to hostel.

As usual, i fell asleep trying to read my maths text book. I dont know why but i just cant control myself from not falling asleep. Well, this happens to me in lectures and tutorials too, whether i had enough sleep the previous night or not. And i hate myself for doing that.. What is wrong with me?

Im very glad i dont feel panicky today at home. And i wonder if i really should move home. But I have to be involved in most of the hall acitivites or i have my responsibilities to fufill in JCRC which requires me to be in hall. The doctor feels that i should not involve myself in it , jingting thinks so too. I really hope i can quit JCRC. But HOW? Its too late. Its a promise to all the 600 residents...

Eversince I had problems recruiting ppl and that nobody seems to give me their support, I dont enjoy doing all these JCRC stuff. What is the point of you trying so hard when the president seems so bo chap about it? When you went to talk to the hall officer, hoping he approves of the change you proposed,but the president just sits there doing his own stuff, not backing you at all. When you proposed new things to improve the canteen and the vice president agrees to go with you to talk to the canteen vendor... but then one day the president just come and tell you that he has talked to him and the proposal i proposed is not feasible?

I really regret joining and everytime i start doing JCRC stuff, i will worry about not having enough time for my studies. But what to do?

Next tues and wed is orders taking for exam supper. 2 subcommers ask me if they can be excused from it coz they are having tests the next day. I understand that they need time to study so i told them to treat it as a break from studies. They didnt reply me. And for HM, he said that he has to sacrifice welfare subcom and go for his dance. Im very angry and disappointed. And his reason is that he has his dance partner to consider and the competition is in dec, he wants to do well for competition so that he dont disappoint zhiyuan, who has been giving him help. For goodness sake, then what about me? I have my difficulty too, how am i going to explain to the rest? him forgoing this to go for dance for his own benefit? and if everyone is going to be like them, how am i going to get things done?

It is not easy pleasing everyone. I am tired of begging, pursuading and coaxing them. I really hope i can shake my hands off all these JCRC stuff.

This long awaited break is not a break for me at all. Not enjoyable and not stress free.

Instead, the 3 days i spent at home was scary and stressful. Not that i need to rush to complete my things. But the thought of my work are in the hall, the thought of so many JCRC stuff undone and unsolved worrys me. I can't stop thinking about all these problems that im very panicky.

Now that i came back to hall. I dont feel good either. I think i need to see some psychologist, really. Im really afraid history will repeat itself and i will go through another 4 years of the same thing.

Feel like a POS where no one cares about u. I feel like avoiding everyone i see. No one is there for you to confide in, no one is there when you feel so lonely........

Sometimes sitting in front of this $2000 screen, i feel like crying. Yet, i dont know why im crying. There is the feeling of emptyness, helplessness and i feel lost.

Lost my sense of direction, lost my judgement, lost the zeal and motivation to do even the simples thing. Lost.. i don know what approach to take...

sigh. I dont know why. I dont know how and i dont know what to do.

I like this entry.. By Royston.

http://billabongboy87.blogspot.com/2006_09_01_billabongboy87_archive.html

Life's great! A total new life, a total new enjoyment~

I dread coming to NTU initially..but now, i grew to love it!

Hall's simply wonderful, with great og mates, great friends, great buddies around. =P Thank you.

I'm super glad my OG for hall camp turn out more united than the actual camp ( even though there are still some who doesnt quite blend in..) ! SUpper and OG dinner whenever we can and yea! Stalkers's Sports Day every week! That's so cool!

I was telling I' yesterday and think he was quite surprised. Well well..

Also, things remain the same for BSc side, Chepera still together ( even though there are some who drifted off... ) and we had OG dinner last fri!

WELL.. that OG Dinner, OH MAN, i was bullied by all of them. ANd im really surprised I' is actually so onz.. haha. HE WAS TARGETING ME ALL NIGHT, all because of me making the whole group eat KFC.

HMph.

WEll, other than Stalkers and Chepera.. there are still new friends found. like R, B, T... quite cool~ and i went out for movie twice last week!

And here i'll have to admit, there are always both side of the coin. I spend most of my time gg out for supper and play. gonna 3 weeks and still, not a single tutorial fully done. =(

and supper always end at 1+2am..

More bad news- now that i got this wonderful companion, that is now sitting in front of me.. Campus life is definitely more than studies. XD

I love school and hall! ( only applies to PLAY)

BACK FROM HALL CAMP!
OMG, it SIMPLY ROX!

But so sad, its over...

well, I'm so HAPPY! Didnt get to post this on tuesday coz i rushed back to hall for camp.. so im here to announce: I PASSED MY DRIVING PT!

WOOO la la!!!

hehe and tmr, Daddy gonna let me and guide me drive auto cars~

I love HAll 9!

Stalkers Stalkers Stalkers Stalkers ombaba
aiyayaya aiyaya~

Back from camp! And im so excited i wanna write down everything!

I'm so happy i went! Its not the dreaful as i thought and oMG, i SIMPLY LOVE MY OG!

CAnt bear to leave them and the saddest thing is everyone is doing different course and track. =(

I will esp miss PY, I, S i guess.. BY still okie coz my roommate and T will be doing maths and same track as me!

I cant wait to tell CHERYL WHAT HAPPEN! And about........ hahaz

Btw, i passed my maths Q test! i WAS SO HAPPY that i start to spout nonsense and T was there teasing me. haha, and like QUek, when i saw my name on the result list i shouted" SHIT! i passed" hahaz.

REally had lots of fun with these ppl and i really really really really cant bear to leave them. ( felt exceptionally sad when i met my team members for my GESL proj.)

Im so thankful to have S and Quek as our OGLs also! and in fact i just came back from OG dinner~

=P

CHERYL! i CANT WAIT TO UPDATE YOU WITH EVERYTHING!