I planned initially to blog down all that i thought i wanted to.. but in order to protect some ppl.. i decided i wont. if not, i try as much to blog it so that some ppl wouldnt know.. But, from today onwards, from this entry onwards... i will not be so silly to bottle up myself...

I have had enough. I have kept this to myself for weeks...

If i am going to loose a friend like this, i'm not going to care anymore. For, i thought i have already loose her. Its the 6th time. Not merely 1 or 2. I am stupid enough to give her so many chances. And i am nice enough to pursuade her to tell me this very last time... yet........

Recalling what Roy told me, i dont find myself stupid. BUT very STUPID, VERY NAIVE. I suppose its a one sided feelings, one sided friendship all along.

ANd sorry, i wouldnt be able to treat what as happened as " nothing has happened". Afterall, this is not the 1st time, afterall, i cannot judge by myself if she is treating me with sincerity, with trust or the very least, treating me as a friend.

I am too sensitive? I am too demanding? No, I expect very little. Just to treat me as a friend whom you will talk to, whom you will share. Perhaps like what JT and ROy said, you choose the different group of friends to tell. But, i dont suppose this is too much. I merely ask you to be truthful and share when i have found out something fishy is going on...

How would you feel if i were to hide something delibrately from you and somehow you found out from other friends? And its not ending here, when you asked me, i still deny... HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? DO YOU WANT TO TRY?

One more thing, please reflect on yourself. How do you judge me and my christian friends when i told you about them? What was your reaction when i told you i went to YFC for GP tuition? And especially when i told you i like "him" who is a christian? And now, please, you are dating one. How hypocrite.

I feel really lost. Please dont come and ask me if i am refering to you. You know better than than anyone else.. Please dont come crying to me and say you are sad you are worried.. Whatever.. I have alrdy been hurt by you. And sorry, i really cant forgive u as easily as the previous 5 times.... And i feel really unfair when i do share my life with you, this is how you recipocrate.