I feel great! Everything is coming back to normal.

I might be going back to SJ. I am not going to work soon and i am talking to someone again. lol

Havent been updating my blog what i've been doing, instead i have been grumbling and announcing to the whole world my =(

Let's see...

17th March- supposingly a TF dinner but in the end wenxin stuck in his unexpected meeting, yilin got some hot date with her darlings.. and so only SHiqi, me n Royston went for dinner at mahanttan...

19th March- Sir leong Bd and its ZOne 8 annual FAC. Went back to cchs and support them. what JC say is true, every year teams get worse and results get better. OMG, cheng he ti tong???

Saturday 25th-
Morning, my little niece came over. She's so adorable! grown up a little, so sweet. omg, she's really like an angel.
in the afternoon,met Jt up for tea at Hotel Intercontinental then meet huiling and yan ling to pass them the earrings which they want. Hmph, didnt get to shop w jt... Oh man, i cant afford to do this anymore after 13th Apr. =(
After that, went for dinner and chatting session w mok n bzj..

Sunday 26th-
Packed a little of my room, yh sort out Japan photos, now ready for printing, and i finally did my collage of photos. =) so nice, so happy. it's pasted on the wall. think this idea is better than photoframe, easier to clean up and i can let out my creativity.
Watched Memiors of Geisha. Dont think its nice. I rather read the book.

feel rather sad yest. haha.
but its my fault, i gave up my seat in the bus willingly. So i cant blame on the bus driver right? afterall, i gave it up for so long.... 3 minutes?

Ermm, but i do feel relieved when i saw the lady taking over my seat.. i realised i did the right thing. =) the seat is more suitable for her..

But still, i feel a little weird...

I thought things have changed for the better.

Wounds healed, misunderstanding cleared ( or isit not?), some uncertainty gone... but.... its a dilemma again.

I think i have changed. Or havent i? I do not know. But im very sure things will never be the same as before..

My mentality changed, my character changed, my aims changed, my purpose in life changed...

I realised what i wan to do, what kind friends i want, who i love the most and what is most important to me now...

But one thing which i feel rather sad for, something which made me rather frustrated about myself has never changed. It is my definition of "friendship".

I just cannot tolerate ppl who doesnt reciprocate... Perharps i am too self centred, maybe i am selfish, or it could be i am jealous.. whatever it is, if this is what tht person deemed as right, the way to handle friendship... too bad, sayonara.

So v touched when i saw an entry written to cheer me up. ( i hope its really for me. )

Reading that really makes me feel better...

thank you.

I'm surprised i am feeling better today. In fact, back at work im entertaining my colleague with some lame jokes...

I was thinking why.. even though i am upset over what mummy said yesterday... even though laoshi called and pricked my just recovered heart...

Why? Perharps its the little msg from Alan.. maybe its the concern shown by Chairmaine.. i suppose Anusha lightened me up too..

A little monday blues, but was exceptionally happy today.

lunch w B.ee =)
xin shan shan starts today =)
(initially) happy there's desperate housewife 2 night =)
Yj wanna me 'console' him but got tricked by me.. =)
lea sweets =)

I learnt 3 things these 2 years which are worthwhile to rmb for life

We human beings are always hoping for the best.. to the extent that this blinds one...

I am a good example. If you asked me what i have taken away from my JC education, i will tell you my CCA. thats all..

Nothing else. I will simply tell you: I regret going to TJ.

And thus the morale is- not to ask and hope for the best... really..

The second thing is how important i came to realise my family is to me. Daddy has changed to care more about H n me... mummy never ever gave up on me, instead, no matter how disappointed she is she will support me. And something which im very glad, though i came to realise only 3 days ago. That is, my brother cares for me. My aunt... my godmother...

But most noble of all- mummy, i cant imagine how i will be able to survive without my mum..

Lastly, to learn what setbacks are.. never in my 19 years did i rmb that i mourn for so long, i need such a long time to recuperate.. haha.. my god mother told me today, there are many to come.. Perharps this is a blessing in disguise? which will better prepare me in future... wHo knows?

Feeling sad and happy at the same time.

Though i have been waiting and have been disappointed so many times today.. i realised how much some people actually care about me, and that some friends, though not that close, are actually that sincere...

I never expect anyone to come console me... simply because, someone whom i expect she will did not......

So in the midst of my disappointment, i felt warmth. And very sorry to say, i see who i can really entrust my problems in.. who i really call a friend...

Royston, thankz...

Pam, thank you...

Alan, really appreciate you never ever forget me.. on my As, on my bd and everytime when i am =(....

and of course, my beloved... Jingting... you know what you did for me...

Whilst many people spend these two days enjoying their jubilee, i spend my two days at home mourning, healing my wound.

To make matter worse, i have another thing to be upset about... and there are so many "concern" friends who rubbed salt on wound...

I learnt to be happy, i learnt to see things from a different perspective, i learnt to live on, i learnt to pick myself up... for nobody else is going to pity you and wait for you...

But i cant help it, i cant and i am still in my miserable nest crying.

Asked a few ppl for suggestions and my best friend C thought that i should follow my decision, for it wouldnt turn out to be something which will make me enjoy.

Asked another of my best friend, B. As usual, her advice comes with suggestions to what to do, so that the situation can be saved.

But before i received B's reply, Daddy came to know about this and asked me what for i should give in to them. Similarly, he felt that they dont even have the basic respect and courtesy...

Actually, its no big deal to miss this fun, but just disappointed it involves this person A. B thinks that i should tell A. I thought of that, but would she change even if she understands?

I never understand these 2 things, why isit that my attendance are being passed around in that way and why isit it would be her who will pass me back what is mine ...

I hate ppl who speculate, without finding the truth and jumped into conculsion.

Even how true your speculations are, so What? Its still assumption.

And to disregard my suggestion without showing the simplest form of respect.

Worse, to be a coward, to pass msg to me.

Fine, let your assumption be correct and i shant disappoint your.

Nobody knows who I really am.

I never felt this empty before.

And if I ever need someone to come along...

Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong?

Tabi wa mada tsuzuitkeku

Odayakana hi mo

tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de fune wo terashidasu

Inori wo sasagete atarashii hi wo matsu

Azayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made